Introduction; The Decision Made
Well yes, I have finally decided not only to write, but to make my post public. This is my truth about my love, to be accurate, how I love, my definition of love and my expectations of it. But before I go any further, I’ll be writing about it exclusive of “family – related love”. My love for those I consider my family needs no explanation.
My Definition of Love
To me, love is when you make me smile when am hurting quietly. Love is when you take me out, even for a few moments, of the pains am suffering without telling. Love is when you know am keeping it all inside because I have no courage to say them, either of my love, hurt, pain and everything I feel. Love is when you just know how I feel even when I said nothing. Love is when you believe that your love will open my heart to love you back because you know love is something I need to learn (from you).
The other important part is that I do not relate love to trust and trust to love. I can love without having to put my trust in you. Trust is not an issue as it is not something that I give away (to anyone).
How I Love
I love quietly. I love conditionally. I love with reservations. I love with limitations. I love without confidence. Until the day I love expressively, unconditionally, without reservations and with confidence.
I love quietly because I believe that action speaks louder than words. I love conditionally because I believe it cannot be unconditional. I cannot continue to love someone who uses me, lie to and cheat me. Loving someone unconditionally means loving him/her regardless of the lies and the cheats. That is not possible for me. I love with reservations because I believe only I can love myself more than anyone can. I will doubt my feelings for you rather than I doubt your feelings for me. I will love without confidence because I cannot be sure that I will love you as much as I should, as much as you do (love me) and that can be unfair to you. But I do hope that one day, because of your love, I would be able to love expressively and tell you how much I love you, unconditionally, without reservations and with confidence.
My Expectations of Love
Well, I do not really have much expectations nor clue of what I should expect. I fear that if I ever expect anything, I will only be let down. The least you expect from people, the least hurt you feel. Yes, am a strong believer of that. This point here, is where I have nothing but that, to say. So then, we move along to the next point.
You may likely say, “All these are just focused on “you”, “what you think”, “how you feel” but nothing about what the other person think and feel. Rather selfish, self centered and unrealistic. Well guess what, I may not be an expert in love but anyone in love will tell you this, “It should be about her/him”, “I should know all that to love her/him”, “That is how I should love her/him”, because what matters when you love, is the person you love. You, come second. I would do the same. As I mentioned, the person’s love should teach me how to love him back. So, if you feel so reading this, you definitely are not the one who will teach me to love, who will teach me to love the way I should.
Anyway, I have been told that I have a wall put up around me so thick and high that the wall was visible. They decided to give up and let the wall stay as it is. Friends think that am too picky and that I work too much. The reasons why I have been single most of the time. Some just do not believe that am single. Well, what can I say. I suppose they are all correct in one way or the other. The wall is there to protect me. Being picky is not something that is bad when you talk about relationships. For those who refuse to believe that am single, am flattered because you thought it is just impossible and unbelievable hahaha … Believe what you wish. Think what you want. This is My Truth About My Love. 😉